Choosing the Appreciation Room

We celebrated 24 years of marriage last month. And by celebrated, I mean… we noticed it. Kind of.

When we picked our wedding date, we were intentional—it was the week after deer hunting season ended. What we didn’t realize back then is that deer hunting season moves. Some years, it lands right on our anniversary anyway. Add in the fact that our youngest daughter’s birthday is the day before our anniversary, and the week fills up fast. We celebrated her well (because birthdays matter), but our anniversary quietly became just another day.

And that happens, doesn’t it?

Not because marriage isn’t important, but because life is full. Kids, work, activities, commitments, exhaustion. Nothing is “wrong,” but intentional moments can easily get pushed aside if we’re not careful.

Around that time, I picked up The Love Dare again. It’s not my first time reading it—I pick it up every few years as a way to reset my marriage. One chapter stood out to me this time: “Love believes the best.” It talked about the appreciation room and the depreciation room.

Early in marriage, we naturally spend a lot of time in the appreciation room. We see the good. We extend grace and forgiveness. We overlook the small stuff. But over time, those little imperfections can start to feel bigger—more than just an irritation. Without even realizing it, we drift into the depreciation room, focusing on what annoys us, what’s missing, what we wish were different. Gratitude quietly slips away.

What struck me most was how unintentional that shift can be.

And then I realized how familiar this pattern feels—not just in marriage, but in my relationship with God.

When our faith feels fresh or when God has carried us through something hard, we live in the appreciation room with Him too. We notice His goodness. We thank Him easily. We trust His direction. But over time—when prayers aren’t answered the way we hoped or life feels overwhelming—we can drift. We focus more on what God hasn’t done than on what He has. Gratitude fades. Trust grows distant.

Love requires intention. Believing the best doesn’t mean ignoring real struggles—it means choosing where we linger. It means stepping back into the appreciation room on purpose.

Gratitude doesn’t ignore what’s hard or pretend things are perfect. It chooses where to rest our attention. God tells us, “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Not because every moment in life is good—but because God is.

I am grateful for 24 years of marriage.

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